I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
