I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
