im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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