My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
