Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize