my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
