I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Everclear isn't food dammit
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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