Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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