My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
