She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
whose parrot is this?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
