Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
