My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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