how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
