Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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