Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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