we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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