Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
