I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
