U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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