Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize