just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize