Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
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