the condom got lost in my hair
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
