My Higher Power is John Stamos
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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