Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he shaved USA in his pubs
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
