Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
