He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
