My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize