Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
