You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize