just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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