I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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