when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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