Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
