We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Someone shattered a urinal.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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