Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You ruined the universe
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
