words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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