My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
