I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
