My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
