They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
