I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it's great music for shaving your balls
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
