I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
