wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
