new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
