Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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