Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
