Please, let me fuck your mom
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
