Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
