sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
