my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
