I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
