Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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