I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
