She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
