Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
