i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
