Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
