Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
