I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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