Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
