Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
