If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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