my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
