If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
